Dear Universe
It’s been six months now since I said I would live this year with hope and courage. I wasn’t quite sure how to do that, but I had a few ideas. I’ve done quite a few brave and hopeful things.
I submitted an article to a magazine, and got it approved for publication! I don’t know quite why (well, I do, but it’ a long long story involving my fear of staying authentic if I am more visible), but it’s taken me YEARS to get up the nerve to do this, and now, first time I tried? The answer was yes. It’s an edited down version of this post, and it’s on newsstands now!
I organised a big fancy workshop for Mark Whitwell. I found it absolutely exhausting, but also realised I am capable of more than I thought. I am, to paraphrase a rather nice compliment I got today, Someone Who Makes Things Happen.
I taught my first full-weekend workshop, while I was in South Africa. It was incredible. Also, it paid for my trip. That was a bit of a bonus.
Weekend workshop in South Africa, March 2010
Along with The Amazing Miss Kerry, I have started to do some far-reaching, very interesting work around getting unstuck. It’s gotten me unstuck, that’s for sure. We have spent quite literally hundreds of hours in the preparation for our first workshop which is coming up on Saturday. It seems like a risk to do so much work for a mere afternoon workshop, but we don’t see it that way. We see it as the beginning of something. And we are planning Big Things for the months to come!
And. I let myself be vulnerable to a man. I mean I really let him in. I let him meet my friends. I met his. I (gasp) met some of his family. Serious stuff. There are even pictures of us together on FaceBook, for goodness sake! Or, there were. Things didn’t work out, and I have untagged myself. I feel hurt. Disappointed. And, um, a little embarrassed because now I have to tell everyone that things didn’t work. Seriously, Universe, could you let up just a little? Maybe, like, not everything at once? Because good stress (the stuff with Kerry) and bad stress (the man-friend stuff) are still kind of…stressy. You know?
In the wake of this breakup, it’s so tempting to go into my old patterns of blaming myself or thinking there is something wrong with me or my judgement, or that I am unlovable. So tempting. It’s also looking very attractive to just give up on the whole relationship thing altogether.
But not this time Universe. Not this time. Like Kerry said when I rang her for advice (wise girl, that) you can only make decisions with the information you have. I made the best choices I could with the information I had. And I am perfect and whole just as I am. Nothing needs to change. I truly know this, for the first time in my life. It’s weird: I’m not just saying it. I really mean that I think I’m great. No arrogance, just self-love.
But, Universe, I need a little rest, ok? Please stop throwing stuff at me, just for a bit. I need a long nap, and maybe some time in my foxhole. Some time just for me, with no external focus.
So I am stepping out of the dating ring for a while. Maybe not forever (hope and all that blahblahblah). But for now.
And I have booked two little holidays for the coming months.
And maybe I will knit something with the delicious Noro yarn I treated mysef to yesterday. Quietly. Alone. Yes.
Related posts:
Processing: Nesting: Knitting (yogawithnadine.com)
The Two Words Project: March Reflections (yogawithnadine.com)
My Two Words for 2012: Stillness and Stability (yogawithnadine.com)
You have been so brave and hopeful this year Miss Nadine. You can be so very proud, and I know that you are. But it is also good to take some time out. Too. Much. Going on! I’m so impressed you got your first article published – go you! xx
On the bright side you can look forward to catching up on all that much needed sleep… x
^;^
hugs !!!!!!!
man, such an amazing chick, can’t imagine why you are not completely taken. Actually a few of my gorgeous intelligent stunning women friends are suffering the same. Maybe you guys are meant to be the trailblazers for something yet to come ???
Nadine, I am so sorry – about the man thing, the way it turned out (and I am sorry if my comment on your fox post was insensitive i.e. re the relationship bliss thingy – something which is as elusive to me in my married state as ever, oh the work it requires to tame one’s partner!)
I also chose ‘courage’ at the beginning of this year, and it occurred to me in about March that perhaps just the choosing of the word meant that the Universe decided that since I had told it I was ready to be brave, it was going to push me to the edges and test just how courageous I really I am! (And I’ve discovered that I have reserves that I didn’t know I had).
And so do you ..you do amazing things, and you inspire so many people (you inspire me with your blog, so I can only imagine how inspiring you are in person!) You deserve great love & happiness!
Wishing you continued hope and courage, no matter what the Universe brings.
Blessings and hugs x
I love you. And I cannot wait to meet you for realz next year x
hearty congratulations on the article. you are a beautiful writer.
as for the gentleman thing; i feel the grass is always greener on the other side about relationships. even in blissed out relationships, there are opportunities not available to individuals in a couple as there are to singles. you always have to consult and make mutual decisions. sometimes its harder to take the biggest leaps that way.
Big congratulations on your article .. I am going out today to buy a copy! As an armchair observer of your blog I see already you have had such a big year .. such a journey and much achieved (yeah). Perhaps in tune with the season of winter, its the perfect opportunity to just sit awhile .. ponder .. and rest a little more deeply. We all need time for self … and friends and yoga and meditation and cup cakes!
Oh, sweetie. Life’s ups and downs are never easy. But this list has a lot more ups than downs – and that is a lot of blessings to count.
Sometimes relationships don’t work out – but if you live life with an open heart, I think you will always be better off than living in fear of the outcome.
Strength and love!!
I think you’ve achieved ‘FLOW’ my friend! xxx
Ah, this wisdom and kindness. It’s why I keep you girls on staff.
Oh, wait. You aren’t ON staff. But you should be. You’re hired.
Thanks, Miss Kerry. And Leigh, all I seem to be doing is sleeping now!
Neen, that would be exciting if we were. It’s probably just a symptom of a society where men are taught to be the strong ones and women are taught to be independent. How on earth do you find common ground?
Kathleen, you weren’t insensitive at all! And I agree: you tell the Universe to Bring It On, well, you are kind of asking for it, aren’t you?
Rachel, right back atcha, sweetie!
Emma, you are quite right: there is much more freedom in being single, this I have noticed in the last year
Bree, I hear ya. Fear? It can be there. But it doesn’t need to become a monster in the closet.
Pam, I was working on the notes for the workshop yesterday & that phrase isn’t in there, but *we had written about this exact thing weeks ago*. Weird. non?
Awesome news about the article! We get that magazine here in New Zealand, so I will keep my eye open for it. And I am so sorry about the relationship. This situation is never fun.
wow nadine. this is real hope and courage and such a gift for me to read today.
thank you.
Hi Nadine!
What a joy to find you . . . we have mutual blog friends. Congratulations on getting published! That is fabulous! I will be back for more. I hope its okay to put you on my blogroll!
Blessings to you across the miles ~
Heather
Thanks you guys!
I’ve definitely been hiding in my foxhole the last few days, but your loveliness might be enough to tempt me out…
And Heather? Yay for new friends!
*unfurls from my own fox hole & shakes out my tail*
Ahem. Can’t tell you how happy I am for you (and slightly envious) that you’re getting published. That is about 100 shades of AWESOME!
And I’m gonna go and buy it in your honour.
I am SO looking forward to your workshop on Saturday. Like, really hanging out for it. And don’t worry, I won’t need too much coaxing to leave my hidey hole, promise!
The way I see it, it’s not so much of an issue that things didn’t work out with your man. It’s definitely like your bold highlighting says – you allowed yourself to be vulnerable to a man. And I know exactly how difficult that is. So I’m offering hugs but also a hearty congratulatory thump on the back for that one. Because it’s way harder to have achieved that than it is to submit an article to a magazine!
Also, here’s another thing I see – the braver we all are, and the more we share about our fears and bravery, the better it is for everyone in the long term. Here you are, doing your pioneering work of bravery and courage and hoping. And that does inspire others, including me!
Seems we’re all carrying these packages of loss and sadness and anger around and unless we learn to unpack them and deal with them effectively, it doesn’t matter how old we get, we’ll always be wishing life was different than it is.
And what I want is a life where I’m supremely happy to be wherever I am at all times. I’m sure you do, too. So keep going, because you’re on that path, luvvie.
Seeya Saturday! xo
I got a bit teary when I read this! Because that is EXACTLY what the workshop is about. Finding a gentle way into the fun and pleasure of life just as it is. Now.
And I’m with you. I’m totally hanging out for the workshop too. Because all this stuff? It’s coming up because it wants to be cleared.
xoxo
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ok wow I am totally behind on blog-reading, but hope to slowly catch up soon. Man what ANOTHER massive year you are having. Not to mention the best attitude ever!!!!
@yublocka, welcome back to blogland
I hope massive years aren’t my speciality forever…but hey, learning to ride the waves is a great skill!
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