I don’t think I have ever really told the story of how I came to be teaching yoga.
It was very serendipitous.
Of course.
I also worked my ass off to make it happen.But I am getting ahead of myself.
In my ‘about’ section I talk about how I knew from the first class I took that yoga was my thing: this is true. What I don’t mention is that I had joined the gym as part of a program to Get My Life In Order. And lose those extra 14 kilos.
But I wasn’t allowed do any group classes because I had bought runners (trainers, takkies, depending where you are from) that had black soles. And black soles mark the wooden floors. Since my mom had just started doing yoga, and it was helping considerably with the pain from a hectic injury she had, I thought I might give it a go too. I didn’t need to wear shoes for it, after all.
Really well-thought out decision.
I couldn’t do anything in that first class: couldn’t touch my toes, couldn’t bend backwards, got out of breath with the sun salutes. Oh, and we did shoulderstand. Only I couldn’t get up because I was too weak. I vividly remember being mortified because my t-short rode up, and there I was: cellulitey belly hanging into my face, brain trying to tell muscles what to do, muscles ignoring all instruction.
Not my proudest moment.
Plus, the teacher had this intimidating, lithe body. All flexibility and good posture and dancery muscles. And she was much older than me.
Despite all this, I walked out of that class feeling like my feet weren’t touching the ground. I had never felt anything like it before.
I went back two days later. Three times the next week.
Within months, I was practicing a hodge-podge of poses at home every morning.
Then I started going to an Ashtanga class: when I’d been going for about four months, the teacher announced that she would be running a teacher training, and would I be interested.
Hell, yeah.
But I wasn’t READY!
I did it anyway.
It was very hard. I think any adult re-skilling is, just because of the time it takes out of your regular life, and this kind of work tends to bring emotional and spiritual things up for healing, so it’s even more taxing.
When I qualified, I curled up into a little ball, unwilling to teach, because I didn’t think I was good enough.
I wanted to be a yoga teacher so badly that it made me feel sick every time I thought of it. I wanted it so badly that I didn’t teach at all for a while. That’s what I do.
The thought of failing is just so awful that I prefer not to try. That’s how managed to study journalism at university and then never write a word, until I started blogging. Bless me.
This time was different. I had Done Some Work on myself. I was more aware of my patterns. And I had reached an impasse at work. I had a nice job, well-paid, flexible hours, great people. But it just didn’t fill my soul, and I had been questioning for a while if this was all there was to life. It seemed very empty.
Also, people kept asking why I wasn’t teaching, after all the hoopla of doing the training. So I started teaching. Slowly at first, but by the end of that first year, I was teaching eight classes a week in addition to my job.
That’s when the double life started to get too much.And that’s when I moved into my new (and current) life of Yoga Teacher, Unemployable.
But that’s a story for another post!
Related articles
- Michelle Myhre: a day in the life of a yoga teacher (yogawithnadine.com
- Yoga teacher, unemployable (yogawithnadine.com)
- Don’t make it pretty, make it work (yogawithnadine.com)
- Pants on Fire (yogawithnadine.com)
Moving from Stability: Understanding the Pelvis in Posture (Online workshop)
Myinsens
Curvy Yoga by Anna Guest-Jelley
Nadine, you are a star
thank you so much for sharing your story. Like you, I wasn’t ready to do the teacher training course (I had only started ashtanga) but my lovely teacher told me “you’re never going to feel really ready so just do it” and I did. Best decision ever. I think the wealth of knowledge I gained and how it has impacted my life, diet and relationships with people in a very big way has made it all worth it, regardless of whether I do end up teaching. Thank you thank you for an inspiring piece! x
Why is there no ‘like’ button for comments? LIKE!
I love reading stories like this. It’s nice to know other people are hesitant, afraid, and, you know HUMAN at times. And of course, yay for serendipity!!!
Oh, and HOW human!
I suspect that if we aren’t fessing up to the hesitant fraidyness, it’s just because we are, you know, scared to.
<3
I felt the same way after my first yoga experience! Both embarrassed that my body didn’t behave the way I expect it COULD during the practice, but totally blissed out by the feeling I had unexpectedly “come home”. From that point forward I think my body knew, even if my mind didn’t fully grasp it, that yoga would forever weave it’s way through the rest of my life.
I find it interesting that you finished your post the way you did…”Yoga Teacher, Unemployable”
With all the changed in my life over the past 6 months I have felt that so many times. As I prepare to hold an Open House in a new studio space where I will be offering a few classes to our new small community I often think…what if this doesn’t work out? What if I have to go out and find another source of income? What would I do? While I have many skills that could be useful to potential employers, first and foremost I am a Yoga Teacher…and I’m not sure how that translated into the rest of the working world. I’m going to simply hope I won’t have to find out.
I have often thought of being a yoga teacher. Yoga is that I love doing(although I don’t do it near enough) but for some reason I’ve never taken the plunge. Do you think you need to have a certain level of proficiency before you become a teacher? Dedication? Consistency? Just wondering. Thanks for sharing.
Inspirational story bella!
All that bumpy stuff is what makes you such a much-loved yoga teacher.
(nice bumping into you to BTW + I love your blog – especially the happy lists..).
x
Hey Nadine. What I love about your story is that I remember that “pre yoga” girl. I remember that somewhat shy girl all those years ago. I was shy too. And I remember seeing you after not seeing you for a long time and thinking WOW! And why I follow your blogs and you now is because I think you are so inspiring and so AUTHENTIC!
Much love always,
Arlene
@Svasti: merci!
@Arlene: <3 I still am shy! But standing up in front of people every day, in tight stretchy pants, helped me manage it better…
Thank you for these lovely words, m'dear. I got a bit teary reading them. And homesick.
@Keishua: I think desire and willingness to follow through are enough. Most teacher trainings these days are quite comprehensive so they will set you on the right track. Also, I think people like to know that their teacher is just human and sometimes she has trouble practicing too!
@Jenn: I have every confidence that you won’t have to find out! And if you ever do, you will manage it with grace, like a swan (yes, there might be frantic paddling underneath but on top…)
Thanks lovely, for sharing your story. I think all of the ways that people come to yoga are unique and beautiful. And how inspiring yours is!