It’s been quite a task to sit down and write this post, people.
I’ve been wanting to be more still. My words have wandered off to have tea with someone else…traitors.
Last Saturday, a group of us gathered for the Two Words Workshop. It was really lovely. Some people I knew, some I didn’t, but everyone was open about their processes and their two word search. A bit confronting, if you think about it: having to be honest about how your life really looks!
Svasti came along, and she has written the nicest review of the day. You can read it here.
For me, it seems like I hadn’t fully arrived in 2012 until Saturday. I told the group that I’ve chosen Stillness and Stability as my words, precisely because these two things have been ABSOLUTELY missing from my life for at least five years.
And I find both confronting.
They are so foreign to my understanding of the world right now. Really? I am going to stop trying too hard? Working too much? Dealing with insane amounts of change every time I blink? Nah, that can’t be right. Best I go back to my old comfort zone…
Too late. I told my body that’s what this year’s words were, and it listened. For the last few days I have been very quiet. Still, almost. Stable in my habits, which I had hoped to be. (Let’s see how that goes further down the track: sinceI promised to write a monthly Two Words blog post, there will be no escaping the evaluation!)
I keep thinking back to the time when I was newly married, and life was ticking along in a nice rhythm. Yes, that marriage was not going to last, but I didn’t know that at the time. And life was good and stable, my home was comfortable, I was teaching yoga, but not too much, and I was doing other things that made me happy too, like cooking, meeting friends for coffee.
Just being, really. Not too much striving. Not too worried about surviving. Not too worried about my place in the world. I knew where it was. I knew where I was.
I knitted a lot. I had that kind of still time.
I’d like to find a similar mood for this year.
The last four or five years I’ve seen so much upheaval: moving country, getting divorced, losing everything I spent my twenties working for. And I do mean everything, except the clothes on my back and a few old pieces of furniture. Dealing with deep financial uncertainty as a result of that. Confronting, at last, my childhood. And losing the last vestiges of my idea of nuclear family.
I’m sick of change. What I crave, more than anything, is stability. Stillness. A chance to draw my breath.
To stand still.
Stable on my feet.
The ground underneath me certain.
A big ask. Well, it feels like one. Or maybe two!
So, more time in nature, more sleep, less work.
More stable business systems and habits of self-care.
2012 here I come! Slowly, with stability, so I can integrate all the changes I’ve been through.
What about you guys?
How are you going with your words? I’d love to hear about them, either here, or over at the Facebook Page.