I’m in a reflective mood. As I prepare to talk about Yoga for Trauma at the Evolve Festival in Melbourne, I am coming up against myself. Believe me, if i didn’t think this work had value, I would NOT be doing it. It’s too uncomfortable.
It’s making me fall into holes in the sidewalk – something Chrissy Carter talks about here.
One thing I have learned: if you fall into a hole, sometimes it can be useful to stay down there for a bit. Make space for all your feelings and thoughts, not just the pretty ones, or the ones that fit into your self-narrative.
As Chrissy says
… parking oneself in the shadows of one’s mind is no picnic, but as the yoga community continues to tell me that I should try to dwell in a place of love and light, I feel compelled to suggest that you do the exact opposite. The answers are written on the walls of that deep, dark hole in your sidewalk.
That dark place is the yin, the feminine. The place of possibility.
It’s also the place of stillness.
And stillness is one of my Two Words for 2012. So it looks like the darkness will give me an opportunity to balance the shadow and light parts of my personality, as well as action and stillness.
Woo hoo. Can’t wait. Thrilled, really.
I SO wouldn’t prefer to be having a nice cup of coffee, somewhere brightly lit.
I guess my hole might be something like the well in Haruki Murakami’s ‘Wind Up Bird Chronicle’. A weird place, where uncomfortable things show up. A place you are probably quite keen to climb out of. But when you do, you will be changed. No doubt about it.
I used to have this recurring dream about being chased. I always woke up just before my pursuer caught me. I had this dream for YEARS.
Then, one morning a few years ago, on the verge of waking, I decided to turn around. You know who was chasing me?
It was me.
I’ve never had that dream again, and I think it’s because some parts of my psyche were desperate to be looked at, acknowledged. Once I did that, they didn’t need to chase me anymore. They were there, with me, welcomed, valued and integrated.
I made space for them, and they stopped chasing me.
So I, like Chrissy Carter, will be buying some new throws for my hole, putting up a bit of wallpaper, and settling in for tea with my faceless pursuer.
I hope we get cookies.